my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
