heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize