I checked into jail on foursquare
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
