Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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