Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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