I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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