You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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