Nicole vs. Life
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
