Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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