walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
