There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
