So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
