what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
