I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
