You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I could fuck to npr.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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