I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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