the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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