Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
