No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
