she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize