Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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