P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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