I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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