someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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