"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's the barista slut.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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