Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who died my cat blue again?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
