The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
