if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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