Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
