I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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