I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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