also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize