He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
