I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
