found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
