Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
