you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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