just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
