Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
