hell yes lets make some ravioli
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
