the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
