I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
