i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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