And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
