the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
