He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
