I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
