You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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