i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
