i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my shit smells like andre
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize