You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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