to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
