Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
