they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
