Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
