I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
