he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
