Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
