Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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