I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
