i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize