you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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