So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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