After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how does that bad decision feel?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
