I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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